beautiful lie,

there's a sadness that they don't see when you come to me with your sorrows, it's not enough for you to cry, cuz you don't know why it still hurts. i know we've been here a thousand times with your past full of lies, it's still there, a constant struggle to find yourself but i know that i can't help you at all. you don't have nothing but pride to keep you alive, i can say it will be fine, it's a beautiful lie but please don't leave it all up to me. i see the way they talk at you, they are always trying to prove that they are better, you run away cuz you can't take the way they make you feel. another self hate behind locked doors, that then nobody knows something's wrong, you've made a cage that you can't break, i've tried but i can't help at all – cuz you know that.

today started off slowly, then it sped up ridiculously. it's been much easier than yesterday was, maybe i'm used to that emptiness without you, but it shan't be needed anymore, you'll be back soon and i know i can't wait just to talk to you.

i was worried about her earlier, not your her just in case you thought that's who i meant, she seemed so lost. whenever she gets like that i don't know what to do, i care about her loads and i hate worrying about her – it almost tears me apart. she seems okay now, it won't stop me worrying but hey-ho.

all i want to do now is to curl up in your arms, then maybe i'd start to feel like everything was perfect – which actually, it pretty much is now. two magpies this morning, and you know that i rely on those little birds.

the world is sleeping, but i'd rather be awake. night is the best time, my favourite time. i'm starting to waffle now, a whole two days without you does this to me... you and the loveliness you possess.

 

i love you, don't forget that – ever.

give up your soul,

even just one day without you feels like forever, i can't breathe and i feel like i might not open my eyes again if i let them close. oh its such a horrible feeling indeed. i feel so numb, how will i ever cope with anything longer than this short period of time you're going to be gone? i think it might just be impossible.

each breath that i'm actually forced to take takes almost all the energy out of me. i'm tired without you, is that normal? i don't think it is.

this is my first night without you – theoretically – in a while, i don't know if i'll be able to sleep, the only thing that i'll wake up to is the same empty feeling, like part of me is missing –which it is, you. i'm just oh-so glad i'll never forget your face, at least i've got that until you return.

i love you, don't forget that - ever.

 

i must be dreaming,

you are the reason i wake up every morning with a smile on my face, after those absolutely amazing dreams. i'll never want to be without you, in fact i don't know if i could even cope without you to be quite honest.

you're simply gorgeous, intelligent and everything i've ever wanted. i've told you before; to me you have no flaws whatsoever and you never will. i hate this secrecy, the fact that i can't tell the world just how much i care about you, well i guess i could but then again that would not be one of the best ideas i've ever had.

i didn't ask to ever feel this way about you, but i'm glad i do. every single thing about you is perfection, you make me go weak at the knees, you cause those little smiles you say you like so much and you light up everything around you – i don't know if you've noticed that or not, but then again maybe i'm the only one who has.

people have already said you're too good for me, and they're right, but that doesn't mean that i'm going to let you go – no, i never will, it'd be stupid if i did.

i can't really remember when the flirting actually started, i know it wasn't always there, or was it? i never was one to pay much attention to these things as i've already been told i flirt with way too many boys and it never even means anything to me – except when its you of course.

i've listened to so many songs and i'm finding some way to link you to everything around me, i'll look at something and it will somehow, no matter what, remind me of you. i'm intoxicated. i may still be young but i really don't care, you're all i need, well – maybe you and A, but she'll always be an exception when it comes to... everything.

how did i even become lucky enough for you to return the feelings i've had for so long? i'll never know the answer to that question, but somewhere i must've done something right to even deserve you just a tiny bit. i know that there are other girls who would love to be the one you cared most about, in fact a few of them are my best friends, but then again they're teenage girls – so superficial, but i still love them to bits obviously.

i never used to be this open you know, i'd never willingly admit all this to anyone, but change is always good and so maybe its about time i shared everything, or most things at the least.

you're the reason i'm still breathing. you're the thing thats keeping my hopes up, things are going to be okay and i'm the happiest girl alive whenever i speak to you, see your face or simply think of you. who'd have known that when you flash up on my phone – i no longer feel alone?

I love you, don't forget that – ever.

stay true to you,

basically, i don't know what i ever saw in you, you used to be everything to me and i mean that, i miss - i mean, i missed you but now i'm not so sure i should. i wish you could see just how much you've hurt me, just how much i really cared and just how much of a dick you're being. i'm moving on and you apparently already have but have some consideration please, that's all i ask. i loved you more than i loved anyone, until i met him. the next time you try to mess me around i won't even be around to put up with it, you've lost me forever so i hope you're happy with her because i'm finally rid of you.

you never really loved me did you? i know you didn't, if you did then why would you do this to me? to put me through this is just plain mean. she was mine first, you shouldn't have come along and claimed her like that, she's my best friend and she's not to become your little rebound. i'm okay with it – okay, i'm not but i'm trying to be but only for her sake, not yours, it'll never be for your sake because i've pansied around you for too long and its time for me to tell you that i'm sick of protecting you, sick of sticking up for you when everyone else hates you, you're on your own now because as much as i love her i don't think she's quite as strong as me like that, she's amazing and i don't blame you for falling for her but she's not good in arguments with people.

i've been through more than you can imagine. faced with so much everyday and i'm still holding my head high, i'd be lying if i said i wasn't proud. maybe i'm too confident with myself on the outside but that's just not what i'm like really. you've always known that i'm more complex than i seem and that i keep a lot to myself and don't even tell a
– and she's the one girl who i love more than life itself, everyone knows that.

i'm always going to be more or less independent, i'll always only need a small handful of people to keep my sanity at a suitable level and i already know who some of those people are, i wish you were one of them but i simply know that you're not and it almost kills me.

i had more than one reason for ending what we had, you can probably guess the other one and i'm sorry that its true, i really am. just know that the main reason was the one i gave you – you broke my heart and i didn't trust you anymore, it wasn't fair on either of us for me to be sat there watching you with other girls thinking "he's mine, but he who's to say he won't do it again?" i don't see how you could even stand knowing i felt like that – if it had been me it would've driven me crazy. you said you were trying to win back my trust, but you didn't really try did you, or i certainly don't think you did.

 

all i know is; i still love you, its starting to fade and i'm almost over you, i'm almost over this and i'm almost perfectly happy again. i hope you miss me, i hope you always will and i hope you realise what you've lost – what used to be my undying love which i know now was never really undying, just temperamental. i've found the guy i really love, he was there all along, i just didn't realise how much i really did love him until now, and i want you to know that i'll be okay without you and that i can cope with this, so don't ever worry about me – not that you would. x

Supermassive Black Hole,

Basically; my life is so
CONFUSING right now and its stupid! I'm getting so much homework too, what is that about, I mean we have exams after the half term and shit, but all that homework? No need! I've just done Chemistry, History, Physics, and should've done French + Spanish tonight too but I really can't be arsed, 3 is enough to be quite honest with you mon chummettes.

SO; what's going on in my life?

OH-SO much!

It's quite disgusting as to what people have been doing lately if you catch my drift, my school couldn't come across as more scaffy a private school if it tried, but hey-ho we're all used to it and now that things are happening like this its rather amusing to wind people up about it.. and of course spend ages talking about it and eventually falling on the floor laughing at how disgusting the people doing these things are!

Like today, two of my friends wouldn't tell me and some of my other friends something that they've both been talking about nonstop and its getting stupid, because you can't just do that, (talk about something in front of someone then not tell them). So we tried to stop speaking to them for a bit and all started whispering nonsense to each other about the girls we were ignoring to make them feel guilty. Then my friend Gaby just did this dance that looked like a jellyfish! It was so funny and I swear I haven't laughed like that in ages, I literally had to lie down on the common room floor and clutch my stomach it hurt that bad.

It might sound stupid, but trust me when I get a video of it I'll make sure I post a link to it!

As for my love life, well that's a bunch of crap. I had this horrible tight feeling in my chest last night where I felt like I couldn't ever let go of one of the people involved in my love square (which incidentally became a octagon I think?) and it was one of the weirdest feelings ever. I don't suggest going through that, you feel so claustrophobic and HORRIBLE!

My dad's friend from Auz is over, and I tell you what its weird the people you miss when you move countries etc, because I've definitely missed him! He's so amusing! He walked into my room and handed me two koalas with boomerangs + little waistcoats that say "I love Perth" on them, after he'd gone I nearly cried! How sad am I? But then again, who wouldn't miss Australia if you'd lived there and had family there.. actually I'd go back even if we didn't have family there, it's one of the best places ever to be fair.

I'm so tired that I should probably go to bed, I also have nothing else to say really, and because I'm not sure I should explain all the previous stuff fully. It could end horribly.

Randomness at Alice’s.

I've been forced to write a new one. Yes that's right Alice Elizabeth Belger should go sit in the corner and be an emo for making me do this.

Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy? Because apparently I'm relatively amusing. I hope that's not her way of making fun of me. If it is, I repeat the whole sitting in a corner thing. Colin the cat is yellow. Did you know that cuz I bet you didn't.

Oh and guess what! Yesterday, we went back in time. I bet your thinking "HOLY CRAP?! HOW THE HELL?!" Well, when you're best friends with a ginger... everything is possible. It's like being best friends with Harry Potter. See, there's even a ginger in that. Or several, if you want to count all of the Weasley family. What a lovely bunch they are. Went round to their house last week for supper at the Burrow, very nice, have to compliment Molly Weasley on her cooking. Squished Rabbit never tasted so gooood.

What the actual banana? I'm. So. Weird.

Have you ever had a Mangoes & Passion Fruit innocent smoothie? It's like the nicest freaking thing evaaaa', and I'm not just saying that so that Innocent Smoothies decide to give me some freebies, like a lifetime supply of the stuff. Heck, that would be nice... mmmh.

The radiator is ticking. Colin (no, not the cat, this Colin isn't even really called Colin) was looking for shoes today because his other ones, well. Ugh.

Whaaaaa. That was my failed attempt at "Whoaaa". What. A. Disgrace.

 

This is Alice: HELLO :D

I just turned the sound down on the laptop with my leg! Jeeeesus. I've got some serious skillage going on tbh.

WE GOT HATS TODAY! They're so awesome...they're like massive, when you wear them you look like you have a cacoon on your head...or a condom. But thats not as attractive sounding huh?

Neither is a cacoon i guess, I hear they're all slimey and smell quite bad. Probably why you're not meant to pull the massive hat down over your face I guess, then you could be mistaken for a caterpillar who is about to rob a bank but is making sure he's safe for the next mating season.

Why am I even telling you about the mating habits of freaking CATERPILLARS :O

Urgh. Shuttup Alice!

RIGHT. Lets start a nicer proper paragraph about nice things like rainbows.

I CAN EAT A WHOLE PACKET OF SMARTIES IN ONE. Hell yes, that just needed to be broadcasted cause its actually an amazing skill, just watch when I bring home the gold Olympic medal in Smartie eating you'll all be majorly gutted and lick my shoes. But not them ones I wore in the garden earlier, cause I don't know if they're clean.

Rosie has no strength she can't open our sweets :') aww.

WHOAAAA my jaw just clicked, its cause we're eating these wierd starburst 'chooozers' pshh, ooozey gooey tasty goodness my ass. Theres no ooze in that chooze. They also make your jaw hurt I might write a letter of complaint, but apparently they send you like a years supply of the stuff + if i don't like them now I'm not gonna like them in a year either.

JAYZUSSS.OOOER. that one was rather ooozalicious.

Why are guys such pain in the butts? Seriously. Get a grip?

I hate guys so much sometimes. One minute they like you and you're talking to them all happily and shiz and the next you say the tiniest little thing that sets them off and they give you the cold shoulder. Wtf, man?! I'm a bit of a Crush-Slag right now. I like three or four guys, all of them are at least a year and a half older than me, ahaha. So it's obvious that I go for older men, isn't it? Well do you know what? I might become a fucking nun. That's what!

Ooh, it's Christmas Eve right now. The mad, deranged, freakish, odd, scary & just plain silly family are arriving soon. I'm still in my PJs. Ohhh crap. But the thing is, I really can't be bothered to change into anything more suitable for the family dinner. Tomorrow I'll have a new iPod and a new camera. Which I was forced to wrap even though I was actually there when it was bought. My dad says that my mum will like the surprise of seeing me open it? What is she? A moron? No I don't think so, father.

What else can I write? Oh yes, New Year is going to be good because the one & only Alice is here. Oh & on Saturday my parents are going to a party and leaving me here to be babysat by my aunt. I find this ridiculous. I'll end up being forced to watch movies with her all night instead of being on my beloved laptop or testing out my new camera while listening to my new iPod. If only life always went my way, things would be so much better, for me that is.

Not for some people of course, because I would have them shot. And I would let my little year 7 friend, Shannon, shoot them with a large rifle the size of her. She really is tiny, bless her little cotton socks. I know that sounds quite sad that I'm friends with a year 7, but basically all the girls in my year look out for her because she is just so awesome & we love her, and her bob.

Anyway, that was not the point of this blog. I've ranted about Chrimboli and Shannon and New Year and stuff.

Guys. Sometimes they deserve to be shot in the foot and stabbed in the ear thrice. If only a sixteen year old Sirius Black would come and take me away to a land of perfectness. That would be nice, so long as he had brilliant hair. That's what I love about guys most, their hair & eyes. Mmmh. If you have horrible hair and/or horrible eyes, I'm sorry but you're just not the one for me. Personality obviously counts too, but while I am not looking for Mr. Right just yet I'm allowed to be shallow. I'm a teenage girl for god's sake!

No-one is going to end up reading this so yerno, it is basically like a diary left open. Someone MIGHT read it, but probably not.

WAIT. Who on God's green earth wouldn't read an open diary? Or am I just a snoopy, conniving little biatch.

Not that I'm little, even if people do say I'm short. Thing is, everyone else is just fucking lanky! That's the problem. You bitches, I hate you. I ABHOR YOU. Yes, that's right. Rosie Veronica Mae Coultate does not love you, you tall people.

LONG LIVE LEPRECHAUNS!

What kind of world do I live in? I am such a freak it's unbelievable.

GUYS = Stupid, egotistical, moodswinging, horrible, some of them are gorgeous & others not, can't live with 'em but you certainly cannot live without them. Basically, they are infuriating but we all love them, we being girls and gay guys. I love gays, they're the coolest thing since sliced bread. Lezzers though? Hmm I'm not so sure about them, they're probably all lovely people, but I don't understand their way of seeing things, sorry girls.

Anyway, I'm off to go get changed and prepare to face the 'rents and the rest of the loons. Oh but at least there's cake for later.

Note; I am not a fat pig. I just like cake, who doesn't? A